Hey!šŸ˜

Hello everybody! I want everybody to have a good and safe night tonight! But fun too lol. 

I had to wait until I calmed downed before I could write today. When I’m upset is when I say shit I shouldn’t. But when somebody I care about turns on me it’s hard for me to do because this is my outlet. 

Anyway, hopefully it’ll all blow over soon. Kinda adds to making me feel alone but I’m handling it a lot better than I was. I’m still ok and still being strong with everything. I’m gonna make it! I will be starting a second job real soon within a week probably. And a third one online. So some extra income will take a shit ton of stress off me. Probably gonna have to move though, I think my house is really old and falling apart. Big problem with the floors. 

You know what’s cool is when you become friends with somebody that asks how your day was and how your doing, very few I do know ask me that so it’s pretty cool. Not trying to screw you or nothing. Just being a friend. I need those kinda friends. Life is hard. 

It’s kinda sad to be alone today too because my mom wouldn’t go to bed until the ball fell. When I was growing up we had to sit in living room with her. After I grew up and moved out until she died she would call or I’d have to stay online with her until it fell. So it kinda sucks šŸ˜”.  But I’ll make it. 

Again, anybody that needs someone to just talk to to get your troubles off your mind, I’m here for you. Don’t carry them around. 

Talk to y’all later! 

Love, Lori

Hey Everybody!

Hope your day is going good. I’m being lazy today haha. Just one of them days and it’s one of my days off so why not? Lol

Y’all know I’m single.duh lol. It’s hard for me to make it. Some weeks are ok then some are not so great. But what I’m getting at….would you go out of your normal ‘limits’ to do what you have to do to survive? Just to get things took care of? Doing a job you normally wouldn’t do? Well I’m considering it and I’m trying to make my mind up by tonight. Idk. I’m not like against what I’m talking about I’ve just never done it and no I’m not saying what it is haha. Advice šŸ˜Š?

Anyway I would love to start getting feedback on here from you guys. I want to hear from all y’all. 

Reminder: That ebook is published and ready. “Lori Hensley’s blog compilation ” on Amazon. And I did a video for my YouTube account. I’m asking for some of you to please share and help me spread the word. I’m not an expert at helping but there could be someone out there that has no one to talk to. And I can definitely talk and I’ve been there. 

I actually felt a little of that sadness earlier and found myself staring out the window. Could be why I’m being lazy today idk, but I’m ok, I’m watching chick flicks haha and pigging out. 

Ok so I think I’m going blind lol. Where or how’s the cheapest way to get some new glasses. The ones I have don’t help at all anymore. I’ve been using a $1 pair of reading glasses to write with lol. Remember I’m a broke chick haha, go easy and cheap. Lol

Thank you all for taking the time to read my stuff, I appreciate a lot!! Have a good rest of the day!!! 

Love, Lori 

Happy Happy

Hey y’all! Hope everybody is having a good day so far. I may not be completely all better, I do still have issues but hell who don’t? But I tell ya, just by speaking stuff out in that ebook I feel 100 times better. I just wish that I could reach people that carry this around too. I’m trying my best to spread the word. If you know of people that have been through some bad stuff, guide them here to read daily please. I can either help them with that, make em laugh or turn em on lol. So I know I could help somehow:). I know I’m already helping some out, I’ve been told by several. There’s no way I could stop writing now. This is what I want and love.

Something else I have a problem with is taking shit too seriously. I’ve always done that. I’ll stand on just anybody’s word too. I guess because I know I’ll do what I tell ya and I reckon I expect the same out of everybody, but not all keep their word. And that’s their thing, no problem. It’s just me, my little problem. It’s working I think lol. I basically just tell myself whenever I’m told something or something needs to be done or whatever…It is what it is and stressing don’t change it. It’s working because I’m not as stressed out and I’m slowly getting out of the house more and wanting to clean and do stuff. Hopefully I can maintain it.

Take whatever the problem is..think about it..does it matter enough to stress about? Most problems don’t. I’ve been through some serious shit all my life and for me to be able to overcome the majority…I pat myself on the back. If I can do it so can you! You live once, enjoy life. Don’t let your sparkle dull out. I don’t care what anyone thinks or says about me, that’s their problem, I’m gonna be me and live the way I want and you should also. It’s your life not their’s. But I’m literally begging please for those that went through some shit, please find you a person that will just listen and tell them everything on your heart. Let it OUT! You will walk away feeling so much better, I promise. If you have no one to talk to, hit me up on messenger and I will listen.

Oh and I was thinking and realized……I’ve never been kissed on New Years Eve at midnight lol. Anybody else the same? I seen a post on facebook that made me realize that haha.

Well that’s all I got for right now. Talk to you guys later and remember send those that are broken to this site. I’m not a counselor but just a laid back normal gal who happens to write and I think what I write may be able to help some out in some way. Thank you so much. Love you guys!

Love, Lori

 

Stuff I thought of today LOL

Hi y’all! Hope everybody had a good day. Mine was alright, but way better now that I’m off work because I’m off for six days!!! Yay Me! I will probably sit here in my woman cave and write. I have a book that’s gonna have five different sexual stories in it that I’ve started on, It will be quite long, a lot longer per story than anything else I’ve wrote. I really don’t know where this stuff comes from but I’m full of it haha. I used to dream of writing children’s books because that’s what I heard everybody else is writing. Y’all know I don’t belong anywhere writing kid books lol. BUT I actually have a kids book wrote that I done a few years ago though. It’s about a little boy and two dogs-obviously because I love dogs haha. Anywho, I am gonna write out here just some short little scenes that ran through my head while I was working. I was trying to not forget them because I couldn’t write em down.

But first I want those people who hurt on a daily basis to go read the blog ebook I published. If I can write down those horrible and disgusting things to share with you to help you. I believe you can let that shit off your chest too and be able to go on with your life. I really am concerned about you because I know first hand all about it. My situation was Really bad. And every time I get on here and just mention it, it helps me. I’ve been better for along time about it but this helps me even more. I know it will with others. It doesn’t have to be exactly my situation, its whatever you went through. Let it out and let it go, be happy and move on with your life. I love ya and I do care even though I don’t know ya. I may seem mean or bitchy but my heart is huge. Especially for those that’s been through hell.

On with the shit I think up hahaha! I’m just gonna use ‘hims’ and ‘hers’ and ‘they’ so I don’t gotta come up with a bunch of names lol.

*They were on a carnival ride, the ferris wheel. It’s a first date and they are really attracted to each other. They kissed and stayed close. They were getting hotter by the second. They got on the ferris wheel. Still kissing and touching while riding the ride. He slips his hand up her shorts and begins fingering her. The harder he finger fucked her the more noises she started making. He just went as fast and hard as he could and she started cummimg and screaming while going around on the ride. People could hear her and were watching from below. They get off the ride and people are staring and snickering. As they walked off one lady turned to her man and said “Your doing that to me, Right?” Hahaha

*It’s new year eve. They were at a crowed party in a club. Drinking and dancing and having a blast. They get to dancing all dirty and really close. She’s wearing a skirt with no panties for her man. There is so many people, they are literally back to back dancing. Her man is kissing on her and rubbing her breasts and rubbing himself up against her. Then she feels another hand and she knows it doesn’t belong to her man.That hand went up her skirt and was rubbing her ass. She kinda freaked out on the inside but didn’t show it. She allowed that hand to keep touching her. All the time her man is still dancing and rubbing up on her and kissing her. Then that hand gently rubs on her pussy. She has no idea who it is. Then she feels fingers slide inside her wet pussy her man caused. Those fingers went in and out slow then a little faster. She’s feeling all good and her man thinks he’s doing a hell of a job. Then this hand goes fast and she starts cumming but she can’t moan or move which made it feel even better. After she was done. The fingers slipped out. She looked around but had no idea who it was. She was dripping.

*Campsite. She was camping with her family, husband and kids. She needed to pee and it was late. There were no lights in the bathrooms so she had to feel her way around and use the moonlight coming through the windows. She heard someone walk in and the girl said is anyone in here? She answered yes. The other girl said okay, just making sure I’m in the girls bathroom haha. She was like ‘okay’ to herself and tried to hurry up. She came out of the stall and the other girl was standing there. Kinda scared her but then the other girl says I’m not going to hurt you. Then she leans in to kiss her all of a sudden. She freaked out and said look I’m not gay, I have a husband and kids waiting on me. She said you don’t have to be gay to let me play. She thought ‘what’ to herself. Then the other girl leaned in and kissed her neck and she let her and thought to herself what the hell am I doing? But she couldn’t walk off lol. That girl leaned in to kiss her again and she kissed back. She thought to herself, well no one will know and it might be fun. They were kissing and touching and the other girl puts her hand down her pants and then just pulls them down. She starts fingering her while kissing her, then gets on her knees and kisses her pussy. She was smiling and thinking this is fun hmmm. I’ve never been with a girl and this feels good. Then she felt the other girls tongue flicking on her pussy while being fingered. She was leaned up against the wall with her head back, eyes closed, enjoying the moment. After a few minutes, the other girl stands up and kisses her again and says thanks for letting me taste you, you are delicious. They kissed a bit more then the other girl says I gotta go before they come looking for me lol. I hope we hook up again before either of us leave….and they did.

Hope y’all enjoyed that lol. I think this stuff up all the time. I need to start making books out of this shit. Hope everyone has a good night. Love ya!

Love, Lori

 

 

 

šŸ˜Š

Good morning everybody! My little ebook is published now on Amazon. It has a lot of stuff you have read but I added one that was very hard to do and it is about a very bad situation I went through when I was younger. 

I wrote it because for one it helps me to let it out and I’m hoping it will help others do the same. It does still affect me but not to the point of going crazy, it just hurts. It’s not a very long story simply because I couldn’t keep going because well it hurt to write what I did write. But it has helped me though. Hopefully I can continue to keep letting it out. You don’t have to tell me your story, just tell someone somewhere and let it out and cry it out. Move on with your life knowing your stronger because it didn’t kill you and it didn’t overcome you! Don’t be a victim anymore. Be a victor! 

I have decide as well to stop writing and ranting about all my heartaches. I’ve done let it out so now I want to move on with my life and enjoy life to the fullest. I no longer want to be a victim to any of the hell ive been through. It only gives those that done me wrong satisfaction that they made me miserable. I refuse to be miserable any longer. I will do everything in my power to walk away from it. 

Let it out! 

Cry it out!

Move on!

Enjoy life and be the happiest you can be!!

Love you people following me, y’all are awesome! Thank you so much! 

Love, Lori

I’m Still Awake Ugh

Hey, its me lol. I’m still awake, can’t sleep and I gotta be at work in like four hours. So much for feeling better….Boom I got all pissed off and aggravated at some shit and now I’m paying for it. Writing in that ebook kinda brought back bad memories and I got all fucking man hating again. I mean the men that have entered my life so far…ALL have done me wrong! Why wouldn’t I be pissed? Can’t blame me? I’m not lesbian enough to have a woman, hell I’d probably kill a female cause we gonna act the same ugh. I don’t even want a relationship anymore. The more I think about it the more I despise it.

I so want to just pack my bags and go, I swear. I don’t even remotely want to go to that damn job anymore. It sucks, the pay ain’t great for the work I have to do. And management don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. I’ve been busting my butt trying to work online and its going so slow. That is how I intend on making money while I travel so I will not give up because its what I want. I sit in front of this computer working at it and then other times I’m writing. Its so hard but I know it will be worth it soon.

I’m going to leave my house and cut off the bills that I can. Give my stuff to my boys and only taking what I have to have. Putting my truck in storage because its on its last leg anyway. I’m going to get one of those RV vans, they don’t require a cdl and they have everything in them I need. I can work online while I’m out there and doing what I’ve dreamed of for so long before its too late. I’ve put it off because of a man, I’ve put a lot of stuff off because of men. I ain’t no more. If somebody wants me they’ll have to fucking prove it before I’ll give up something for myself again. Like I keep saying, ‘I ain’t no queen, but I’m a damn good woman who keeps getting disrespected’. So why should I even begin thinking about a relationship? Fuck that. Yes I’m angry in case you ain’t noticed lol. I know shit and I’m not stupid and I don’t like being lied to. I also spoke to one of my ex’s today, we got along thankfully. We talked about my purple hair lol and he thought it fit me well. And he was asking if I was ok…not what I expected to hear tho.

I know some blogs are like informative shit, but this is my blog and I’ll use it to rant if I want to haha. It’s my outlet and I’m gonna use it. I promise I’m going to do more of them dirty blogs. I’ve just been so focused on the other stuff I can’t come up with a hot story. Maybe I’ll make some new ‘sexual desires’ posts out there on the road lol. Fucking in an RV…heehee. I do believe that once I can get out of here and on the road I’ll be able to really discover who I am and really be able to write some really good shit. I think it is the best thing for me, to leave. I will be here for my sons when I’m needed, they know that. For my close facebook buddies, my cell phone number is in my info on facebook. I’ll still be on facebook but y’all can have my number, I don’t care. Just no dick pics and trying to hook up tho. I know it probably sounds like I’m leaving tomorrow but that’s how I think, that’s how I stay positive and keep myself working at it. You never know, I could actually win the money, inherit it somehow or anything. So I make sure I’m ready. My boys and my girlfriend knows I’m serious and they know at any given moment I’m gonna pack my bags. They know me better than anybody does.

You ever think that we all just think we have to be with somebody because that’s how the world portrays it like models make women think they have to look like that? I’m serious. I know I’m about as faithful as it gets but even I’m sick of the games AND being faithful. I’ve considered just fucking whatever I want and making them leave, no attachments whatsoever. Just hit it and quit it. No that’s not me but hell I’m just as sick of being hurt as the next person is. I’m human, I’m not a damn robot. I can’t do it anymore. Giving my all to somebody and they just fuck whoever they want regardless of what it does to me. I’m seriously done, done with trying. I can’t make nobody be faithful so I’ll just stay single and fuck whoever when I need it. I’ve wrote post after post about being faithful and I’m sick of it myself. I’m changing and getting to the point where I just don’t give a damn anymore about the ‘Perfect’ guy. He don’t exist. So why should I be the way I am for someone that doesn’t exist. I really am changing though. I’ve gained a lot of ‘I don’t give a fucks’ about a lot of stuff and a lot of people lately. No this is not depression or sadness talking, this is me being fed the fuck up! It’s to the point where shit don’t even make me angry, I’m just like oh well whatever, fuck it.

This work day is going to suck bad. I hope I can stay awake later when it hits because its gonna. I probably need some of you talking to me throughout the day to keep me awake lol. What really got me back out of bed was laying there alone and realizing how long I’ve been doing it. I crave that man that don’t exist, I can’t help it. But honestly I think being alone is better than dealing with all the bullshit from being cheated on. Hell I was accused all the time and I never done nothing. I had to open everything on my phone, open the hidden pictures folder, facebook messenger, everything, vehicle looked through,blah blah. I was innocent. And I didn’t deserve it and I still don’t.

Does anybody hear me? Does anybody understand what I’m writing about? Does anybody else hurt or get hurt a lot? What about only finding players? Have you honestly found someone who is actually faithful? Does anybody feel as empty as I do? Anybody fall for somebody’s bullshit when you thought they were not lying to you?

I think that I’m going to stop writing about the pain and being hurt all the time. I believe I’ve said all I need to say about it all anyway. Now its just going to go in circles if it ain’t already. No matter what I say or do, people ain’t gonna change for me or nobody else. They’re gonna do what they do regardless of how me or y’all feel. Only they can change themselves. But I will say that when these people are done playing the field, people like me will either be taken or will refuse to be taken. And they will have to settle for a hoe or be alone because they done fucked up and let a good one slip out of their hand for nothing but for a quick fuck that is only a number added to their belt…for what? That number ain’t gonna be shit when they alone. I’m speaking in general, not attacking nobody, its just this shit pisses me off and its all I’ve ever dealt with. This anger is coming from being alone because of cheaters. I’m sitting here alone and hurt and angry for nothing. All because of a piece of pussy that don’t mean shit to them and never will. I shouldn’t be alone, I didn’t do nothing wrong. I don’t deserve it.

I think if I could understand what the big deal/obsession with everybody fucking everything that moves shit, that maybe I wouldn’t be in this shape. Whatever, I think I’m just gonna be like them, fuck it. Ain’t doing me any good sitting around waiting and holding out for somebody that I’ll probably never find anyhow.

Thanks for reading my rant. I’m not going to apologize because its how I feel. Maybe someday somebody will read this stuff and be able to give me some answers, who knows. I’m going to go finish my cupcakes and slowly get ready for work,fucking yay lol.

TTYL, Hope y’all have a good day!

Love, Lori

 

I’m Feeling Better-Today Anyway:)

I gotta say today is better. I can literally feel that I’m getting better everyday. That’s not to say I won’t have a bad day or a bad few moments. I went out today and just walked around stores mostly. I struck up conversations with strangers, which I haven’t done in forever. Feels good. My hair is getting me some looks haha. I’m getting double checked by guys, I love it! I was checking out at walmart and the guy in front of me literally looked back at me like 10 times, he looked me up and down and I started laughing haha. Feels good to be noticed even if its the purple hair getting their attention. It’s always nice to be admired, it makes you feel better about yourself.

One thing I do when I feel better is cook and I’m cooking today! Making me some beer battered beef stew and cupcakes.Yum! Only thing that sucks about cooking now is I’m the only one eating it so I have to learn to cook for one now. But ya know being single ain’t so bad. I mean I can do whatever I want, go wherever I want, clean when I feel like it. And I can clean and cook with tank top and panties on and turn my music up loud and dance up a storm and nobody to stop me haha!!!! I may be loving it too much!

Now I’m not saying I don’t want a man in my life, I mean I kinda have one y’all know that”my guy”. But I don’t have one that’s here with me living life with me. But until then I’ll be alright. It does suck on some things not having a man around. Fixing shit by myself, and yard work and shit, and nobody to attack at any moment when I wanna just fuck. That part sucks. But oh well. Someday. I know from the messages I get that y’all are highly interested in me and my guy, which is awesome! We are good together. We get along great. We’re not a couple couple as to say. But even if I end up with someone later, I will never forget him and I will never stop talking to him because he has impacted me and I think of him as my buddy and nobody can change that. I hope I have impacted him as well, I hope that I stand out from any other woman, because he does in my eyes. Everything I’ve been through lately, he’s the only man that’s been there for me to help me and not just sex. There wasn’t any other man to step up and do the things he did when he didn’t even have to. I think highly of him and I’d kick somebody’s ass if they spoke of him badly. He is an awesome person and no one has ever made me feel like he does. If I got with another, y’all know I can’t cheat so we would have to stop. But I would miss the fuck out of him. šŸ˜¦

Now I can’t give info on marriages obviously since mine ended. But I can say that when I love, I love hard. Even the men I’ve been with, regardless of what they did, I didn’t cheat. I remained faithful period. I think that I cheated myself in the long run. I’m not holding myself back for nobody. What’s meant to be will be. I’m not searching for anyone but I’m not closing my eyes either. I’m not a whore so to speak, I can get laid when I want it. I’m a woman ya know, and there’s guys waiting at the drop of a hat for me to go out with them. But at the moment I just don’t want to simply because I don’t want all the hassle from it, all that relationship shit. I’d rather go hang out with the girls at a club or something. I just need to be me for awhile if you understand . Like I said my eyes are open because if there is someone meant for me I don’t want to pass him by but I’m not jumping up and down over every guy that’s interested in me.

I’m going to write it out here what I want in a man or want from a man. Just something fun to do lol. These may be far fetched or just me dreaming. But I definitely want a faithful man without a doubt, that is by far the number one thing for me. If he ain’t happy with everything I can offer and I have a lot to offer, then he shouldn’t even bother. He don’t have to know how to cook. I don’t want a sloppy nasty man that can’t clean or keep himself up. I’m big on beards, sorry he’s gotta have one and hopefully some grey in it! Ā He has to work..period. Don’t want no lazy man. Someone that’s into most but not all (that’s ok) of stuff I’m into. Likes kissing me a lot. Brushes his hand on my face kinda man. Can make me feel better by just pulling me close and giving me those eyes lol. Showers with me and well you know heehee. Likes cuddling A LOT. Brings me gifts for no reason at all, doesn’t have to be expensive, I’m a simple girl. Makes making love feel like the first time. Shows me he enjoys me and loves me, not just by saying it. Doesn’t stop me from doing the things I enjoy, rather gets involved in some. I don’t drink or do drugs so I can’t deal with that. Occasional drinking is fine, but an alcoholic is out. If weed is ever legalized…I will smoke again, he’s gotta be okay with that if it ever happens lol, I would allow some exchange for me smoking for him to do something. If I’m sick and not feeling good..take care of me. Don’t just say I’m sorry and can’t even hand me a tissue or go get what I need. I want to fell like I’m his girl, he’s baby. His eyes are ONLY on me, none of this social media shit liking a bunch of girls pics and friending them. No secrets, no talking to others behind my back. Goes out of his way for me, because I will always. This list can go on and on. I’m just gonna stop here lol. Its just some of what I’d like to have all the time. And never made to feel like I can’t talk to him about anything.

I really don’t understand why the others did what they did. I’m not better than anyone but I think I have a lot to offer for a man but for some reason I’m just not enough……

I swear y’all I’m trying to get that ebook finished. Like I said one of the stories is hard to write. It was some serious shit I went through so its taking a little longer than I thought to write. I have all the blog posts already put in and the other pages…title, introduction, in conclusion pages and stuff. Its just getting that one finished.

As soon as I do get done I will send a link to my facebook wall so y’all can get to it. Have a good night and hopefully I’ll get this done tonight. šŸ™‚

Love , Lori

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ebook update & such

I hope everybody had a wonderful day! And all the kiddos are happy little monsters haha. I miss mine being young, Christmas was way more fun then. Hell the box a toy came in became part of a fort for my boys lol. My living room was either a fort or a campsite all the time, used to drive me crazy now I miss it.

I have managed to make it through this day so far without shedding a tear..yay. I got sad here and there but I cranked up the stereo and danced it off lol. Plus I talked to both my boys today and we’re all good, one of em is sick poor thang. I am glad its over though,shew,been a long day. But I had a good ending to my day, a very good gift from Santa :D. So I’m all happy and smiles now.

About the ebook. I said there was a couple of new ones I’m putting in there. Well the one about junk happening in my life earlier I’m still adding, but the one about how I feel and stuff today I removed because its just too personal and I can’t share that. So I will be replacing it with something else. As much as I write about myself there’s still some things that I just can’t put out there. Actually there’s a lot that I don’t share. I mean somebody that’s close to me if they asked I’d probably share but you’d have to be close to me though. There’s some strange and embarrassing and humiliating things I went through and I’m not comfortable blurting them out.

For those like me that struggle with feeling alone. I’ve thought about several of you all day today. Its hard for me to help but at the same time it helps me because I’m striving and researching on how to help others which is causing me to forget that I’m lonely. Which is really good, because that feeling sucks ass.

Honestly from my own experience, thinking about it and questioning yourself does not help. Staring at the walls don’t either. I have to make myself get up and do stuff like simply doing dishes, I refused to do them for some reason for a day or two. I just didn’t have the energy or the want to, I can’t explain it really. Like for example, you need a shower, you keep walking in the bathroom and staring at the shower but don’t have the whatever to get in it. And me I would literally say out loud “Why, there ain’t nobody coming over, fuck it’. And I can’t stand to be nasty, and I had a problem with it. It’s I guess what loneliness does to you. I’m over that part, it only lasted a day or two. But there was even a few times where I didn’t have the energy to feed and care for my dogs that I considered giving all three of them away. But I had to shake that shit off because those dogs are my buddies and I love em. I’ve had all three of them since they were five weeks old, so I can’t part with em. There’s many other things I did like that and I’m sure y’all have to. They only thing I know is to push yourself even when it feels impossible. I know it sucks, believe me. Omg work is the worst by far. I still don’t want nothing to do with that job or any job because it makes me have to get up when I just want to hide. But ya know what I have realized…I don’t want to be unhappy and die like this alone. I refuse to be overcome by something that I can have mind power over. I will say things like ‘Come on Lori, you can do this’ or ‘You don’t want to live in that truck again do ya?’ You gotta be strong even when your weak!!!!

Find a new hobby or second job. Keep yourself busy it helps keep your mind in tact. I write, I read, I dance and listen to music ALL the time. The past couple of days I’ve just jumped in my truck and took off for a few hours just riding around. I do whatever I can to get away from this shit because I’m stronger than it is. I refuse meds and I refuse seeing a doctor to try and convince me I’m going crazy or something. I’m not, I have enough sense to know that I’m just sad from all the hell I’ve been through in my life and its really been hell since my mom passed away. Still to this day there has been no one to just listen or let me cry it out on their shoulder. I have had to deal with that pain on my own every single day. It still eats at me, I still feel like I haven’t really released the pain because nobody’s just hugged me up and told me let it out or whatever. My mom passing away is when I started changing because the moment she took her last breath, I instantly felt alone.

Like I said I’m not of much help but I’m trying to learn how to be anyway. It gives me something to do and gets a lot of shit off my mind. Now I did realize part of some of my problem and I’m alright with that now since I know what it was, only one person knows and their the only one that needs to know and they know exactly what I’m talking about so I’ll just leave that alone.

I wanna keep writing but I’ll end up going in circles haha. So I better quit. I’m still not done writing in the ebook. I didn’t realize that it hurts to write it as much as it does to say it out loud. I keep walking off and taking a breather so to speak. It is difficult but I want it out, it helps me to overcome some things and I will get it finished soon. I think the one I’m going to replace will be about some things about my little family and stuff. I’m talking about when I was younger with my mom and them.

I thank everybody for the ‘Merry Christmas’ messages and Merry Christmas to everyone! I’m thankful so much for my friends and very thankful for my two(( I’m calling you both my bff’s)) bff’s. Love y’all. (They know who they are)

Anyway I’m gonna get off here and try to work on my ebook. Have a good night!

lorisilveramethyst

 

 

Ebook Info

Hey real quick, putting another one on here tonight. Just wanted to say again that I’m putting together an ebook compilation of my posts from here. There will be 2-3 new ones in the book that will never be on here. They are about some serious things that happened to me in my life and some things and feelings that are going on right now with me. When the ebook is published I will share a link to it. It was very difficult for me to write about some things and I feel they are not just some of my goofy blog posts, and I don’t want just anybody reading them, only those of you that are seriously following me and are connected with me on here. I mean these are some very private things about me and I want it took seriously. Ā It’s not just all about sex with me, even though that is a big part of me. I am human and shit happens and I have a story to tell about it. That’s one of the reasons I started writing was to create an outlet. I have held it in for so long and I’m loving being able to share most of it. I still keep a lot to myself simply because I don’t feel its interesting or whatever.

The first one is some extreme serious shit I went through and it was very hard for me to write about it. Hardly anyone knows about it. My momma took it to her grave with her but I have to let it out, I have to. Maybe it could help someone. I hope it does. I stared at the cursor a lot. Just trying to type it down was as hard as to speak it because well its the same, some of y’all and others will hear/read it.

The other is just something I don’t know what to do about right now. It has me baffled and I have only told two people about the situation. I have no idea what to do about it. I have no answers and it scares me that I already know the truth but I don’t want to face it. You know it sucks when your gut tells you shit and you don’t want to listen and hope its wrong for once. Ugh, life sucks, at least for me anyway. This one will take me forever to hit the publish button for the whole book because once read by certain ones, could mean possible changes in my life…again. Could be good, but probably not.

Since I’ve been writing I’ve learned I’m not alone in feeling alone. There are a lot of us. Probably more, just some won’t admit it or just won’t say. I don’t feel like I am capable of helping others when I’m such a wreck myself. I’m all over the place with life shitting on me. I know I may seem like a crazy sex addict who is immature and stuck on herself. I’m really not. I’m actually pretty serious most of the time. And yes I’m sure of myself. I know what I can bring to the table and I know what I’m capable of regardless of the topic. I’m not going to hide what I’m good at to keep from intimidating somebody or pissing somebody off. If ya don’t like it and can’t handle it, well sorry. I’m gonna keep being me and taking care of me.

I don’t know if there will be more than two new ones or not. I’m debating on a third one. It would be about me of course, its mostly just like childhood memories and stuff like that and I don’t know if that would be interesting or not for readers. I can’t decide if I want to or not.

I just wanted to let y’all know about what I’m up to. And again I thank those of you messaging me and being a friend that ain’t trying to hook up, thanks.

lorisilveramethyst

A very bad year…ending

Hey everybody! Merry Christmas!!!!!! I hope all y’all are having a blast. And not fighting with in laws haha, gotta love that right?! I really do wish y’all the best Christmas though. Don’t gain too much…lol.

I’m glad this year is ending, I really am, I hope and pray next year will be much better for me than this year has. This year has beat the hell outta me. I may be a strong person and I can take a lot of shit but this whole year has damn near kept me knocked down to my knees.

I’m lost. Completely. I’m so used to being the head cook and decorator and getting all the family involved(ex’s family). I am not doing anything this year. Not that I don’t want to I literally have nowhere to go or nothing to do and I’m broke. But oh well, I’ll just wait it out, it’ll be over soon. I’ve never been alone on the holidays Ever in my life, this sucks. I couldn’t even get gifts for my boys or friends. I don’t have no decorations up, I figured it would make it worse on me just sitting here staring at it by myself.

I tell ya I’ve been through more hell than I care to that’s for sure. The divorce, the horrible boyfriend, being Cheated on which is the lowest and worse thing somebody could do to me, losing everything I had and credit. But ya know out of all of it what hurt me the most was being cheated on. I’m not saying I’m a beauty queen but I’m not a dog either. I literally bend over backwards for them and I’m probably the most loyal person you could meet. So why would men fuck that up for themselves for just a quicky with some chick that will never be me? I’m tired, I’m tired of games. If I sense I’m being played I will disappear, I don’t have time for it and my heart can’t handle anymore pain. It’s not fair to be the good person who only finds people that are heartless whores. I guess I’ll never understand it, I can’t help but wonder why though. Why cheat on me? Anyway I’ll shut up now lol.

I’m trying to put together a compilation of my posts into an ebook today. I’m gonna add something extra since I’m selling it and you can read for free here, so I gotta put a twist to it. I can’t wait y’all til I figure out how to work online only. I’m so sick of the everyday hustle with jobs today, they suck right?

Thanks to all the messages I’m getting and replies about my new hair! Let’s keep it clean though haha!. I love it! It’s different and I like being different. Once I figure out how to make some real money then I’m soooo getting that boob job done lol, I can’t hardly wait for that!!

Any who, I’m getting off here with all my ranting :D.  Just wanted to say MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL Y’ALL!!!! Hope you are having a great time with family and friends!!!!!

Love, Lori