Hello everybody! I hope y’all are doing great. I’m still about the same. Good days then bad days. I actually went to sleep the past two nights without crying. That’s not to say I won’t tonight but hopefully I can bypass it again. I was thinking and if I wasn’t single I don’t think I could write. Simply because I always felt that I needed to take care of everybody else and their needs. Not that its bad just I’ve always been that way. My boys especially. And when there was a man in my life I felt I needed to be the woman I was supposed to be whether cleaning, cooking, in the bedroom, whatever. When I wasn’t treated like I felt I should have been and when I knew I was being cheated on I still tried, it hurt like hell but I did. Even with friends I’m like that, like their needs met or problems listened to first then I take care of me. I grew up like that and I can’t help it. Even if another man comes into my life and he’s 100% mine I will do everything in my power and ability to do everything I can for him. As long as he is faithful, honest, caring, and loves me and has his eyes on me and me ONLY…He will be the happiest damn man there is. I can offer everything he needs including my whole heart. I can’t cheat or flirt with another when I’m taken, my heart cannot bare it. I would never put a man of mine through the pain that I felt, I just simply could not do it.
The other day I decided that when and if I ever find another man to be with that is like I described, facebook and any other social media will be gone, deleted, and forgotten. That shit ruins so many relationships and people, makes them bigger whores than what they were before, males and females. All I want is for me and my man to have each others phone numbers. I know cheating and flirting can still happen without social media, but it knocks a huge dent in it. So that will be a deal breaker for me if a man can’t let it go. Yes I’m addicted to facebook but if he is willing to love me and be the kind of man I long for and desire…I’ll delete that shit before he could even finish asking me if I deactivated all of it. I’m not joking. I’m for real. But…honestly I don’t think there is a man for me that will be what I need him to be. I don’t understand why I get cheated on, I’m not a beauty queen but I’m not a dog either. I’m perfectly capable of all wifey duties and I am highly skilled in the bedroom..yes I’m bragging on that because I know what I have to offer. And me being faithful as well. They still want to run out and fuck other women that ain’t even half of half of the woman that I am. If none can control their self I guess I’ll stay single. I’d rather hurt over loneliness than hurt over being cheated on. Not trying to brag but a lot of women are lazy in every area of being the wife or girlfriend. Those that have met me or been with me should hopefully been able to tell I’m different from all the other women. Yea I have sex, who don’t but if you call yourself mine, then your only mine there will be no worry of another. When I am taken someday, those guys will probably regret it because when they are done playing and want a woman like me, I’ll be gone….and they’ll be stuck with nothing but a hoe that can’t be what they want out of a woman. It’s really sad though if you think about it. So many people are whores. Its not an addiction that you can’t control, several people have told me that and I don’t believe it. I think its them just looking for something and they don’t even know what it is so they keep going. I love sex, I love anything about sex, I have a high sex drive, I have a high interest in crazy wild sex but I’m not out there fucking everything that is on my facebook or at my job or anywhere. I don’t search for people on social media anymore because their all whores, there’s no real men there.Not talking about all of you that’s on my friends list, don’t freak out on me lol.
And no I’m not searching for a man right now. If he’s meant to be, he’ll find me or already has and just needs to realize it. But until then I’ll continue to be me and write and hopefully get some books published and get this blog Big. The numbers of people reading my blog is getting bigger but their not following me on here and that’s the numbers I need to get big. Not complaining I just don’t know how to get the follow number up.
I wrote this because y’all know by now when somethings on my heart I have to speak it or I’ll explode haha. I’m working on that ‘Dressing room desires’ right now. I hope I can get it posted tonight or in the morning. It’s one of my fantasies, not that I want to do it but just one of those things I can dream up in a few minutes. I have tons of fantasies like that running around in my head and I can make up a new one in no time. The reason they are not being wrote is because I have to work and it takes a lot out of me. I love being able to have this blog. I can express myself and I don’t know what people are saying because they don’t talk for one and this is not like facebook either. Everything I write about me is true. I don’t sugar coat shit for you to get attention, I’m not an attention whore. I just like to write and make people smile and maybe get their bad day they may be having off their mind for a bit.
FYI…I’m not bashing men in general. I know there are good ones, faithful ones out there. Its just that, that kind of relationship I dream of ain’t meant for me I guess. I know all y’all wonder about the ‘my guy’ in my other posts haha. But no we’re not a couple. We are ‘good’ friends. We get along great and make really good posts for y’all to read! Am I right??? Haha. He’s a great guy though, I’m glad he’s in my life. He helps me a lot where there is absolutely no one being there for me. If I never met him and the couple of friends I have, I would not have made it this far being single. I only confide in two people now and he’s one of them. Honestly if we stopped being friends I’d be lost. And my bff, I wouldn’t want to lose her either. They are the only two that I trust, and keep me sane, and the only two that will help me regardless of what it is. They both know I’m not money hungry at all. I tell them both how much I appreciate them and I’m thankful so very much for being a part of my life. I love them both so much. A girlfriend that don’t stab me in the back is awesome! A man that shows me that all men ain’t bad is awesome too! I hope I never lose neither one of them. I really hope they know how much they mean to me. And its hard for me to trust anybody because of my past and I am scared everyday that I’m going to get hurt.
Okay I have to say that this birthday has been the best one in a very long time. I’ve been so happy about it and verrrrry thankful!!! Both my bff and my guy made it the best! You two rock!! I got out of the house today because of them and I had a blast being able to shop and being around people. It was awesome! I’ve been all smiles :D. If I never get in another relationship and these two people and my boys are all I have in my life, I will be content. The four of them are the only ones that will truly be there for me. I know my boys don’t read my blogs haha, thank God! Hahaha. But they know I love them dearly and that they are my world. Beyond my boys I didn’t think I was capable of caring about anybody else after my divorce and shit.But my two friends walked into my life and I don’t want them to walk out, have been so good to me that I couldn’t stop my heart from caring about them so much and I love them dearly too.
Yea I know I’m rambling on and on and on hahahaha! Okay I’ll stop. I just want those four people to know how much they mean to me.
I’m gonna shut up now and get back to writing the Dressing Room Affair lol. I hope everybody has a good night and a great day tomorrow. Thanks to all that read my stuff!