I gotta say today is better. I can literally feel that I’m getting better everyday. That’s not to say I won’t have a bad day or a bad few moments. I went out today and just walked around stores mostly. I struck up conversations with strangers, which I haven’t done in forever. Feels good. My hair is getting me some looks haha. I’m getting double checked by guys, I love it! I was checking out at walmart and the guy in front of me literally looked back at me like 10 times, he looked me up and down and I started laughing haha. Feels good to be noticed even if its the purple hair getting their attention. It’s always nice to be admired, it makes you feel better about yourself.
One thing I do when I feel better is cook and I’m cooking today! Making me some beer battered beef stew and cupcakes.Yum! Only thing that sucks about cooking now is I’m the only one eating it so I have to learn to cook for one now. But ya know being single ain’t so bad. I mean I can do whatever I want, go wherever I want, clean when I feel like it. And I can clean and cook with tank top and panties on and turn my music up loud and dance up a storm and nobody to stop me haha!!!! I may be loving it too much!
Now I’m not saying I don’t want a man in my life, I mean I kinda have one y’all know that”my guy”. But I don’t have one that’s here with me living life with me. But until then I’ll be alright. It does suck on some things not having a man around. Fixing shit by myself, and yard work and shit, and nobody to attack at any moment when I wanna just fuck. That part sucks. But oh well. Someday. I know from the messages I get that y’all are highly interested in me and my guy, which is awesome! We are good together. We get along great. We’re not a couple couple as to say. But even if I end up with someone later, I will never forget him and I will never stop talking to him because he has impacted me and I think of him as my buddy and nobody can change that. I hope I have impacted him as well, I hope that I stand out from any other woman, because he does in my eyes. Everything I’ve been through lately, he’s the only man that’s been there for me to help me and not just sex. There wasn’t any other man to step up and do the things he did when he didn’t even have to. I think highly of him and I’d kick somebody’s ass if they spoke of him badly. He is an awesome person and no one has ever made me feel like he does. If I got with another, y’all know I can’t cheat so we would have to stop. But I would miss the fuck out of him. 😦
Now I can’t give info on marriages obviously since mine ended. But I can say that when I love, I love hard. Even the men I’ve been with, regardless of what they did, I didn’t cheat. I remained faithful period. I think that I cheated myself in the long run. I’m not holding myself back for nobody. What’s meant to be will be. I’m not searching for anyone but I’m not closing my eyes either. I’m not a whore so to speak, I can get laid when I want it. I’m a woman ya know, and there’s guys waiting at the drop of a hat for me to go out with them. But at the moment I just don’t want to simply because I don’t want all the hassle from it, all that relationship shit. I’d rather go hang out with the girls at a club or something. I just need to be me for awhile if you understand . Like I said my eyes are open because if there is someone meant for me I don’t want to pass him by but I’m not jumping up and down over every guy that’s interested in me.
I’m going to write it out here what I want in a man or want from a man. Just something fun to do lol. These may be far fetched or just me dreaming. But I definitely want a faithful man without a doubt, that is by far the number one thing for me. If he ain’t happy with everything I can offer and I have a lot to offer, then he shouldn’t even bother. He don’t have to know how to cook. I don’t want a sloppy nasty man that can’t clean or keep himself up. I’m big on beards, sorry he’s gotta have one and hopefully some grey in it! He has to work..period. Don’t want no lazy man. Someone that’s into most but not all (that’s ok) of stuff I’m into. Likes kissing me a lot. Brushes his hand on my face kinda man. Can make me feel better by just pulling me close and giving me those eyes lol. Showers with me and well you know heehee. Likes cuddling A LOT. Brings me gifts for no reason at all, doesn’t have to be expensive, I’m a simple girl. Makes making love feel like the first time. Shows me he enjoys me and loves me, not just by saying it. Doesn’t stop me from doing the things I enjoy, rather gets involved in some. I don’t drink or do drugs so I can’t deal with that. Occasional drinking is fine, but an alcoholic is out. If weed is ever legalized…I will smoke again, he’s gotta be okay with that if it ever happens lol, I would allow some exchange for me smoking for him to do something. If I’m sick and not feeling good..take care of me. Don’t just say I’m sorry and can’t even hand me a tissue or go get what I need. I want to fell like I’m his girl, he’s baby. His eyes are ONLY on me, none of this social media shit liking a bunch of girls pics and friending them. No secrets, no talking to others behind my back. Goes out of his way for me, because I will always. This list can go on and on. I’m just gonna stop here lol. Its just some of what I’d like to have all the time. And never made to feel like I can’t talk to him about anything.
I really don’t understand why the others did what they did. I’m not better than anyone but I think I have a lot to offer for a man but for some reason I’m just not enough……
I swear y’all I’m trying to get that ebook finished. Like I said one of the stories is hard to write. It was some serious shit I went through so its taking a little longer than I thought to write. I have all the blog posts already put in and the other pages…title, introduction, in conclusion pages and stuff. Its just getting that one finished.
As soon as I do get done I will send a link to my facebook wall so y’all can get to it. Have a good night and hopefully I’ll get this done tonight. 🙂
Love , Lori