Good morning! I’m up but still ain’t left my bed haha. It’s 10:30 lol. Just don’t see no good reason to hop in shower & put myself together. Ain’t like I’m going anywhere.
Dang I got all wrapped in some facebook posts today. People posting stuff about being faithful, gets my nerves on edge I tell ya. Y’all know what I think about being faithful….don’t get me fired up! Lol
Anyway…I was reading something about being happy. And it struck a nerve. It said if you can’t be happy where you are you’ll never be happy. Well sometimes I think people write shit that ain’t ever been through shit. You can’t tell someone something or how to feel or how to act if you’ve never experienced it! That kills me. Yes I’m thankful I have a home, yes I’m thankful I’m employed, yes I’m thankful I’m single & not putting up with B.S. BUT that don’t make me truly happy. I don’t settle. I’ve been through a lot of hell. And you can’t just turn it off or forget about it. And being single, I’ve never realized how damn LOUD silence is. It sucks. But I’m not being mistreated, not walking on eggshells, and NOT being cheated on. I don’t have someone that’s all mine. I don’t have to worry if some guy is coming home smelling like another female and hiding his phone….no more. That does make me happy, little things do make me happy but I’m not happy, make any sense to anyone? Situations & people play big roles on your happiness. It’s hard nowadays to be completely happy. Soooooo I think that saying is nonsense. I would love to see some people walk a few feet of my path & then try & say that statement to my face. Just saying lol.
I hate when I get fired up about crazy shit, I just wanna attack stupid people 😁!! I comment a lot on random posts or pages just to get em fired up, but all I end up with is everybody agreeing with me on what I say…wth? Lol. It don’t matter the topic either, they just agree & give me high fives. Can’t get a fight outta nobody. Haha, I know I ain’t that smart, I just speak what my heart feels. Apparently they relate or like it, I don’t know.
I was thinking I should be able to change the title of this blog, because it’s more like a journal with occasional sex stories 😂. Heehee I can’t help it, I love what I’ve made it out to be, it’s me. And people seem to love to read it as much as I love to write it❤️.
I still can’t get over that guy the other day talking to me like that, he’s the rudest one so far. Saying basically I’m eating up sympathy from y’all and making it up being lonely. I wish I could let y’all talk to my friends and my sons. They know me, they know I’m true. Oh well f’k him and any others that think that. All he wanted was to have sex because of the way I talk & what I like that I write about. He didn’t give two shits that I’m hurting, that I’m going through stuff. I just simply want to be loved & be wanted, be someone’s only one. But that doesn’t mean I want to date everybody on my friends list or have sex with them. They’re just using my problems against me to get in my pants. Ain’t working! Hahaha
I wish I had the motivation I used to have though. I can’t seem to find it. I’m on fire about being successful but my giddy up n go has disappeared, can’t find that bitch nowhere!!🤣 I honestly believe it’s harder because I have no one standing behind me to push me. I have to drag myself when all I really want to do is disappear most days. Yes I still feel that way & probably will for awhile. My momma pushed harder than anyone but I don’t have her anymore. She would push me on simple stuff like a recipe haha. She wouldn’t let me give up on nothing I mean nothing. And I think how nice that would be to have a special someone that’s all mine with that same mentality momma had. Pushed me to do better instead of pushing me aside & settle. She was my HERO, my best friend, my everything! No one will ever fill her shoes! I swear I hear her when I do stupid shit I shouldn’t being doing LOL. Putting up with men like I did, having someone on the side, not dating trying to find another. She didn’t want me to be alone. But I think if she knew the pain I’ve been through since she’s been gone she’d probably done beat the hell out of them or had them killed haha. She was born & raised in Harlan Ky too lol. We don’t take shit from nobody. Read about that town. People disappear when they f’k up & no one knows nothing hahahaha.. But with me I think my boys caused me to take a lot of shit from people because I wanted them to be happy instead of me.
Yea I still miss being cuddled up at night with someone. I’ve got 5 pillows & 3 smaller blankets I wrap myself up in at night. It’s as close as I can get to keep myself sane. I long for someone being all mine but I’m not searching for him through social media lol. He’ll just be there when the time is right, just sucks waiting tho. I’m determined to better myself to the point I don’t need a man financially because if he thinks that then he’s gonna think I need him for that & I don’t. I need a man for love & care & being faithful to me 100% & being there for me, not just for a handyman & a paycheck. F’k that! I fix most shit by myself, mow my own yard, work, and can get myself off better than most can do….soooo if he can’t bring forth the other I’ll keep waiting😊.
Sorry I’m bored this morning haha, guess I need to at least get up & take a shower lol. It’s now 11:40 🙃
Ttyl! If I stay bored I may be back on here today, who knows lol.