Insignificant 

Good morning people. Hope your day is starting off better than mine lol. It’s raining and nasty here yuck. I left to pay a bill this morning and I got behind every slow ass in town. Took me an hour just to pay one bill! That’s crazy and I have road rage. So doing anything under the speed limit automatically puts you in my Lori-dar!! Your ass is mine 😂. I really need to get some victory on that before I end up jerking somebody out of the car or…they whoop my ass haha! 

All the clothes I had on fighting with the dogs were drinched, and I mean I stood on the porch and water was pouring from me lol. I took everything off but my shirt and underwear right there on the porch. I don’t care what nobody thinks, I was miserable. I  had to get that nastiness off me! 

Ok. Fixing to hit the tub but I’m so sleepy😴. But the reason for the name of this post is because as soon as I woke up this morning that’s the word that was in my head. I don’t know why it would’ve been there just opening my eyes unless I dreamed of something I’m not remembering. It’s weird though because that’s how I feel and have felt for awhile. And people just keep adding to it all the time. Do you know what the meaning of that word is? It’s: Insignificant– too small or unimportant to be worth consideration, meaningless. That’s a horrible feeling to be made to feel. 

Dealing with a lot on my own I experience lots of feelings about different situations and discouragement learning how to do everything for myself. But feeling like your nothing makes it all worse. People that really don’t care about you don’t truly care how they make you feel. You don’t cross their mind like that, if you even cross their mind at all. Yes I know it bothers us deeply when they do it but they don’t lose any sleep at night over us. And that’s when you have to decide for yourself that you need better friends or need to distance yourself from some family members. Yes I’m a tad emotional LOL. I ain’t no damn doctor but I’ve been through enough junk to where I could almost help anybody talk their own junk out. 

What hurts the most is when you know facts about your friends/family and you know they’re doing you wrong behind your back. I know some pretty solid stuff about a few but I don’t say nothing. I’m more of a sit back and watch karma do her work kind of person on most stuff. Liars lies will unfold, cheaters almost always get caught, true attitudes and feelings towards you show pretty quick, getting used comes to light pretty quick too, and so on. And all of those will cause you to feel insignificant. Like you don’t matter or never did. 

Why do y’all think I want to get away so bad and so much? I hurt every day because my gut don’t lie. I know there ain’t but a few that gives a shit about me and not thinking of what I can do for them and actually thinks about me enough to take two seconds out their time to say ‘hi’ to me. I don’t have a lot of friends because most people are assholes and the rest just wants to sleep with me. So I keep to myself for the most part. Lonelier that way but easier on my heart because I can love the shit out of ya. But I’m done with catching feelings, it’s always just one sided for me anyway. I get the feelings, they get what they want, I end up hurt. Awful cycle of fucking with somebody’s heart. BUT I gotta stay out of the past, always brings me down. 

Well I’m dry now and I think I’m gonna take that nap now then bath when I get up lol. I’m sleepy as hell, done dozed off twice while writing this😴. Always being busy has caught up to me for sure. 

Only advice I have to keep people or situations from making you feel like your useless or a nothing is…and I have to teach myself too…is to learn the signs of people’s attitudes, you know in your heart and gut as soon as you meet them what their intentions are. Just don’t let the good feels cause you to get yourself destroyed. Study and research about situations before getting into one, and that’s with anything other than people. 

Love ya people!

Love, Lori 😔💔

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