First of all, I don’t want nobody thinking I’m talking about anybody directly. I just feel like saying a few words to hopefully encourage some that seem to be in the same shit I’ve been in and still in. I see it in their words they write. I can sense and feel their pain. And no it’s not sympathy, that’s what you do when you can’t really relate to another’s pain or problems but you feel bad for them. I can feel their pain.
It seems to be mostly single people like me. I am new to being single and I have struggled as you all have read throughout my posts. I became single June 15th 2016. So a little under a year. Let me emphasize…..I have Neverrrr been alone before. I left my moms arms straight into a mans arms. Never experienced life being single or alone. I’m adapting a little better than I was, I mostly keep myself busy. But when I lay down at night, that’s when it sucks for me. I’m being still and realizing I’m alone and no one to talk to. No one to hold me through the night. To feel safe in a mans arms. To feel loved and to Oh So Feel Wanted So Very Badly!
Me nor any of you can give up just because we’re single. It doesn’t mean we suck as a person, it means we just haven’t fount no one that is ours yet. Sure we all do the dating thing, going through who knows how many searching for a soul mate. But I stopped looking. I quit fooling with it. I’m tired of getting my heart broke over fuckboys, they ain’t worth my time. And yes I know for you guys your sick of the sorry ass sluts out there that have no idea how to be a woman.
Yes I get messages from different men that I talk to on occasion but I’m not fucking them, I don’t want nor need to. I don’t want a disease nor end up raped or dead or get another broken heart. I don’t send pics to them no more, I don’t like talking dirty with them no more. The way I see it is I’m a pretty good damn person and should be respected as such. I know I post a lot of crazy shit and sexual stuff everywhere but that’s who I am. I’m not posting nudes of myself everywhere. I’m not fucking everything that says hi to me. I don’t have low self esteem, I don’t have to fuck everyone to feel better about myself. The only thing about me is I don’t like my boobs. BUT men don’t seem to give a shit but I do, that’s why I will get that boob job done, it’s for me not them.
Other than my little boob problem which is not really a problem it’s just that I want more, don’t feel like you ain’t pretty or handsome enough. Because in the right persons eyes you are Fucking Perfect! ❤️
I know from experience crying all the time does no good at all. Yes sometimes let it out but get up and go on, find something to do. Hang out with people. Try something new like a hobby or travel or something. If you can’t stand the quite, turn on the radio or tv. You are responsible for making you happy. You have to train your brain. Your not depressed, nor ugly, nor do you suck as a human being. It’s what feeling lonely does to us. It fucks with our minds.
I’ve always wanted to be successful at something but I always gave up for some reason, I guess because I thought it was selfish of me while in a relationship. Stupid huh? Yep! You don’t know every detail I’ve been through nor do I know y’all’s but it don’t matter. The past is over, let it be and make a new life for yourself. But please don’t be wanting to die. I know how you feel on that. I still feel unwanted to a certain point but I’ve been learning to ignore that feeling because it hurts like fucking hell! For the past week I’ve been doing a shit ton better than what I was. If someone wants me they’ll have to prove it and come get me. I refuse to beg for someone to want me anymore. That’s nonsense and it will leave you worse off than what you was. Fuck em.
Yes I wanna fall asleep in a mans arms and wake up to him every single day and to know that he only wants me and only has eyes for me. To have sex with him anytime I want and kiss him anytime I want. To know he loves me and to be able to trust him. But I refuse to ponder on it like I did. It was only killing me. You can’t do it either, we’re all human, we want a lot of the same things and think and feel mostly alike. Don’t do it to yourself….your worth more than that!
Have I been with men since I’ve been single? Yes. Did I want all of the above out of them? Yes….and that’s where I fucked up. Not all you meet are faithful nor do they really want you, they’re just horny fuckboy assholes with no heart and see you as a notch in their belt nothing more. To me I honestly think those that keep fucking everything have low self esteem and they need their fix to feel better about themselves. Until they’re done they will never stop and most of the time they end up dying alone because they let the good women go for a hot piece of one time pussy. And of course vice versa.
I’m not man hating. I’m stating facts that I had to plant in my own head that they ain’t all good and I have trust issues anyway so they end up making it worse on me. So see your not alone. I know it feels like it but your not. I had to go through the motions before I could see the truth and it sucked!
It’s so easy to get caught up with a man or woman’s innocent flirting. They make you think your something then ditch you like your trash. Gotta learn to stay away and be able to point them out so you don’t get hurt.
I don’t know if any of this is making sense or helping but I’m trying here.
Ok, it’s not all about not having someone. In my case I have jobs that make me so miserable I want to puke. And that adds to the problem of being alone. Being unhappy in everything. I’m doing everything I can to change that part of my life. It ain’t easy. I’m doing some things I’m not too terribly proud of BUT I’m responsible for me. I put food on my table, I have to pay my bills. Ain’t nobody gonna do it for me. Moral of that is try to change and make all areas of your life enjoyable and then it slowly starts becoming easier being alone.
What made me write this is because I spent almost every night sitting in my bed crying with the heavy feeling that no one wants me. It’s scary to feel that way. I know all about it. Do you have any idea just how scared I get at night when something goes bump in the dark and I have to woman up and check it out??? It sucks. I get so scared sometimes it drives me crazy. But it’s ok, really it is. Took me awhile to realize it.
Ok well I hope I helped at least one person understand your not alone and it’s not the end of the world like it feels. It will be ok and it will work out, I’m living proof of that I still fight my way through it everyday but I’m fighting not crying anymore!!!!
Love you people!!
Love Lori 😘