Trying To Shine Again

Regardless of what I’ve been through or still going through…I’m still standing. If I’m never loved again, so be it I love me. Pushing the pain & tears aside I can see my worth for a moment. I’m tired of feeling so down all the time, shame on those that have contributed to making me feel this way.
 
Your karma will come. And it will suck. Hope I get to witness it.
 
Treating me bad or letting me go is totally your loss, you may not realize it yet but when you do I won’t be around. Don’t hmu when no else got you like I did.
 
I will shine again..soon. I will overcome all of these troubles & heartache. And at the time I’ll only see you as a grain of sand, you will no longer stand out to me.
 
When people hurt you, something changes on the inside, you’re never the same. You can let it kill you or you can learn from it & move on.
 
I’ve been fighting for everything but I need to fight to let go of unhealthy things, situations & people.
 
I will eventually be myself again……
 
I’m not a child & I will not play childish games nor tolerate bullshit in my life anymore, I don’t have to. That’s not just at people, that’s at anything in my life. I will not continue this unhappiness nonsense much longer.

This is from a meme: Keep hurting the ones who love you and you’ll end up being the one that is hurting in the end. Sincerely, Karma:…… I love that because its so true. I’ve seen it happen to people, treating others like shit in all kinds of ways & they end up alone & hurting. So yea, keep running off people like me & see how that turns out for ya.
And yes this one is at men(the bad ones): Fuck all the women you want, one day when they all realize your nothing but a useless wore out, broke dick, male whore, fuck-boy, you will be alone. And the few women that was genuine & actually loved your sorry ass will be taken by men that saw the gem that they are. You saw it too but the next new piece of pussy was far too exciting for your weak asses to have any self discipline whatsoever.
Women & Men that sleep with numerous people are simply weak. No self control & no self respect. They call it fun or sometimes say its an addiction, I’m sorry its total weakness. And before anyone gets all upset & thinks shes just saying that because she cant get none. No no no baby, this woman right here can have a new piece of pussy or dick anytime. My inboxes are full of them just waiting. I choose not to because I don’t have to sleep with everyone to feel better about myself or boost my ego. I get picked on because I like toys or because I go for awhile without sex but I can take care of myself no problem. Yes I’m highly sexually but its not a weakness to where I have to fuck em all. I have had moments where I’ve gave myself more pleasure than any man or woman ever has. Simply because I’m in tune with myself sexually & well I love it, anything sexual. I’m not knocking no one else I’m just saying I don’t have to lower my standards just to sleep with someone & put another notch in my belt. I prefer being with those that view sex maturely, it takes you to a whole other level of absolute pleasure.
The past few weeks I’ve done a lot of crying & thinking. Even tho I can’t fully see what attracts people to me, I know my heart & my heart is a wonderful heart to know but no one wants to know me enough, just out to fuck mostly. I admit I do get attached to some but I mean no harm. I can’t help but try to see what they could be. And not just in bed. I love seeing people succeed at anything but I for some reason loose their interest real quick. I’m not sure why & it causes me to think its my body or the house I live in or the way I think, I don’t know. It hurts me tho.
But like I said I will overcome this. I’m too damn stubborn & strong to allow anyone or anything to knock me down. Might trip me but that’s it.
My soul is tired & I’ve had enough.
I really thought I was broken beyond measure before, I was wrong. I’ve never felt so broken before in all my life as I do right now. The loneliest I’ve ever felt. Most intense pain & heartache I’ve ever felt. Worry like I’ve never known before. My thinking has changed. I have the ability to see right through most peoples bullshit. My standards have changed, they’re higher. I want even more out of life than I ever did. I want love, real love, don’t have to question kinda love. Hell I even eat different foods now lol.
What turns me on anymore is Effort. Show me you give a damn. Assure me you want me. Don’t say a little bit then make me doubt the rest. If no effort is made, I automatically assume your not interested.
And all the ‘you’s & yours’ are not just at people, its also directed at things & situations in my life.
I wrote these words because they were on my heart. I’m a very passionate person but hardly anyone knows it. Everything I do almost is with such passion. Lucky ones know this from the bedroom area but yet somehow even that’s not enough for them. Not my loss.
I know this is longer than usual but I have so much to say & not enough time to say it. I just wish people would take the time to get to know me, I promise you won’t let me go. But if not oh well, I’ll still be me & I’ll go on.
Well good night/ good morning. Hope y’all have a great day.
My Story Isn’t Over Yet….
Love, Lori
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