An Angel In Heaven


My mother ‘n’ law passed away and her funeral is tomorrow. She was an awesome individual. She was really an angel on earth and my second momma. We were two peas in a pod. I’m gonna miss her so bad, well I already do. It doesn’t feel real. I’m not sure if it hasn’t clicked yet or I went numb again like I do when the pain is too much. I’m missing her but I can’t react. Scares me. 

There’s a lot of people that’s gonna miss her because she was there for everyone no matter what. She was da bomb. We used to go everywhere together and talk for hours. With her and my mom gone, I now have no one to turn to, to talk to. Loneliness is really kicking my butt with those thoughts. 

I know she is happy and much better off with no pain and worries and Heaven is happy to have her, she was a beautiful person inside and out! 

Colleen Sue Hensley ❤️❤️❤️ 


Miss you already & love you Sue (aka 💜Ma)!! 

Love Lori 😔

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True-Self Help

I’ve read ‘at’ a bunch of self help books and others articles. I’m not throwing off on none of it but none of it ‘the books’ anyway are for me. I self help myself in many ways everyday of my life and I don’t need a book to tell me how. 

This crazy woman below ⬇️ is making it! 


Some days I’m all over the place. Some days I’ve got my shit together. But the most important thing is even when I absolutely and completely couldn’t give a rats ass if I died or not ‘kinda mood’ …I still hold on. Holding on to what? Well I don’t know really. I just know I keep picking myself up off the floor or pulling myself out of bed everyday no matter how damn difficult it is and I make it another day. 

You know what sucks though, on my days I’m stuck in bed?-there’s no one that comes to my rescue but me. I mean no one. Messaging or talking isn’t on the agenda when I have those days, I simply just want to be held. I never get it and I probably never will. But hey that’s ok, I’ll still make it. 

I am my own self help..er..er lol. I will literally go through the motions on everything until I find a solution for it. Kinda makes me crazy sometimes but I’m doing the best I can on it, on anything. And I will brag on myself because I think I’m doing a pretty good damn job AND I’m un-medicated. 

Do I hurt? Cry? Stomp my feet? Feel lonely? Wanna die? Have panic attacks? YES to all and more but I won’t give in to any of them to the the point it affects my health. I may be mostly single and have kids that are grown but I still have to live for them and my grandchild on the way no matter how lonely and depressed I get. They’re my world! 

Yes I have to remove things and people from my life that add to my troubles. And I’m fixing to remove some people from my life right now-I’m debating at the moment and watching them very closely, so far, they’re losing and to say the least-They’re gonna miss me. I’m no better than others but I’m good as gold and faithful as hell to those that are good to me, once they start failing, I will remove them. 

I’ve been through a lot and I’ve been treated badly by others. And currently I feel like I’m in this circle of lying ass cruel people and I’m about to remove myself from the equation. They can all screw each other over without me there. And that’s how I keep myself going. I have to fight for myself and look out for myself because no one else will at all. 

To me, what I’m doing is true self help. I don’t listen to what others think is best for me, I listen to myself. I teach myself. I learn when I mess up. And all of it is a big deal because I’ve never been alone in my life at all, so this is a major thing in my life. And it has took a toll on me, damn near defeated me, but I refuse to let that happen! I’m strong as hell because of everything I’ve been through and still go through on a daily basis! 

I’m not saying how I deal with things is for everyone because some may be worse off than me or not as strong willed. But it’s working for me. 

All in all I am my own caregiver, teacher, mother, friend, significant other, handyman, etc. I Will Make It! & So can you! 

Love, Lori 

There Is Love There 

Did you know that everywhere you go there is love there?

Did you know if you look around you, there is love there?

Did you know if you look at the soul there is love there?

Look at the flower bloom, there is love there.


The gentle touch of her hand, there is love there. 

Sum warming your face, there is love there.

Grass under your feet, there is love there. 

Her lips brushing your lips, there is love there.

His deep gaze into your eyes, there is love there. 

Hug from a child, there is love there. 

Hold hands with the old, there is love there.


Look into the sky, there is love there. 

Someone checking up on you, there is love there. 

Rain drops on your face, there is love there. 

His fingertips touching your face, there is love there. 

Visiting a grave, there is love there. 

A familiar scent in the air, there is love there. 

An old photograph, there is love there. 

Certain song, there is love there. 

A kiss on the forehead, there is love there. 


The embrace from her, there is love there. 

Breeze on your face from the sea, there is love there. 

Tears wiped away from your parent, there is love there. 

Being held just because, there is love there. 

Smile on her face because of you, there is love there. 

Just look around you, there is LOVE there. 

We should all take note sometimes of the little things whether it’s somewhere, someone, or something that is showing us love. 

Pay Attention ❤️ Loves There

Love you, Lori 

That’s Enough  

Well I have begun to not want to share too much of anything that’s recent about me anymore….to anyone. I guess maybe I’m just done with the negative feedback or maybe it’s just people twisting everything into something else or both. So what I share today may be as about as personal as it gets for now on or at least just leaving out my problems. Just stories and good stuff going on. 

I’m at a point where I’m done, just done with everything. I despise my job and I’m damn near about to just quit period. And that I didn’t want to even share but it’s a little hard to express some things to you without saying a little bit. I truly hate that job so much I’m ready to quit without having another one lined up. It’s gonna take everything in me to go back. 

I’m not some big time great person that’s better than everyone else but I do believe I deserve better than what I’m dealing with. Every area sucks right now. And I’m done with it all. If I’m not struggling somewhere I’m getting disrespected or stabbed in the back by someone. I’m past the point of saying ‘it’s getting old’… It’s already old and I’m fed up.

 

Sick of fake ass, two faced people lying to me and disrespecting me all the time. If they ain’t for me and treating me right, they can go the hell on for all I care. It’s not everyone I know, but there’s an extremely small circle of people I will even talk to anymore. But even at that I’ve shut down my feelings and no longer like expressing or sharing much. 

My diary is full, full of the truths, thoughts, interests, adventures, times I was used or done wrong, forgotten. It would be really bad if some people read it but I don’t care, nothing but truths. The only thing that would bother me is that my true hearted feelings are displayed in my diary because I would feel and make myself look like a fool by expressing them for real. 

Quitting my job, turning everything off and sending everything else back I owe on, packing my bags, and just disappear for awhile……I know, it doesn’t sound logical at all but I’m just done. I can’t do it anymore nor do I have much fight left in me. 

Y’all I went to the hospital last night not knowing how bad of shape I was in…shish! Turns out I was severely dehydrated and my potassium level was dangerously low which explains a lot. I’ve noticed changes but I didn’t know it was that bad. Dehydration of course just messes you up in many ways but the lack of potassium was causing my eyes to be worse, headaches, stomach problems, muscle tingling-which has been happening and it also causes depression or if you already have it, it sets it off like hell-which is what it done to me. Plus that’s why the last few times I had sex I almost passed out for nothing. Now it all makes sense Lol. But sucks that I’ve missed more work and that puts me in further trouble, ugh! 

Back to bitching haha! I know we all have dealt or are dealing with fake ass people whether it’s family or friends. Right now I’m dealing with a fake friend, well not my friend no more. But I have given this person the upmost respect even though it’s not deserved! What do I get?…Nothing, just a continuation of disrespect. It’s funny to me though how hoes think they’re diamonds and classy, cracks me the hell up!!😂 But above all else, even if I don’t do the childish thing by kicking their ass……Karma Is A Royal Bitch!!!! I don’t take to kindly to being disrespected! It brings out a whole other level of ‘Lori the Bitch’! 


Ok I’ll hush now haha. 😁 But seriously though I’m probably not sharing anymore really personal stuff simply because of people twisting everything I say. I’m not going to quit writing and talking about my life, just leaving out the ugly details that’s all. And I love memes in case y’all ain’t noticed haha! 

I think as an adult and going through junk is worse than dealing with it when I was a teenager. Back then it ‘seemed’ like my world was falling apart, now it truly is. Life is very weird and funny and can be very unfair. 

Talk to y’all later. I’m feeling a little weak and yucky lol. Gotta go get some waters. 

Enough is Enough already….Agreed? 

Love ya, Lori 

Night Cap ‘Me Stuff’

Do you remember when you were younger and you would sit and think about your future, even make plans? Have you ever sat and remembered those plans now that your older? That’s what I done today lol. I use to say I was going to be a meteorologist when I got older because even to this day I love the weather, especially storms. A few years back there was a funnel cloud right at our house and I was standing in the doorway watching it, my older son had to pull me inside haha. Just fascinates the hell outta me!

 I also wanted to be a model and I did graduate from a modeling school, did the photo shoots and walked several runways, did a fashion show and was about to sign a commercial contract with Pepsi before I walked away. It was awesome but I got bored with it because it was too damn girly LOL…I needed 4-wheelers and mud! My momma was so mad at me 😳😳😳. 

Of course like all girls I wanted a man and kids. I wanted a girl and boy, I got two boys and couldn’t be happier! 

I also wanted to write….well I guess I’m doing one of them lol!! 

I always wanted to know what it felt like to get on stage and rock the hell out like a rockstar!!! You know, with the crowd in love with ya and all! I’ve always loved music but my favorite is ROCK! 

And…lol. I want a pole. 😁. Not for the world to watch but for my man to watch me dance. I just think it would be hot for a couple to do in private. You know….’His Private Dancer’. 😍 Hot Hot Hot 

I can remember asking my momma what does true real love feel like so I would know when I got me a boyfriend. Haha, she says never mind that right now honey, one day it’ll hit you and in your heart you will just know…and it’ll be when you least expect it and with whom you least expect it with. It could hurt like hell because sometimes we fall in love with someone who doesn’t love us back, but one day there will be a guy who can never ever let you go babygirl and you will feel the same. I miss my momma😔 and I never forget her words. (& I do know what it feels like now, she was right). 

I wanted to be a veterinarian too which is why I’m an animal nut lol. But when I learned I had to stay in school like 8-10 more years, it lost it’s excitement haha. 

And the last one for now, believe me there’s more lol. But I think somewhere after both my kids were born I wanted to open up my own sex toy shop kinda place. I had it all designed out and planned on making it better and bigger than any out there. And y’all know where that idea came from 😜😜😜. Can’t help it, sex interests me. Not the sleeping with everything but sharing awesome experiences with ‘one’ someone…oh and bondage lol. 

Ok I lied one more. I’ve never dressed like it or nothing but I’ve always since way back been interested in the goth look. I don’t know why but I have. I have black makeup and black lipstick but I never wear it out in public lol. Not sure if I can pull it off or not. But it would be hot for a private thing with the man.😉

I know in the above I probably sound a little happier which right now I’m pretty calm. Earlier today I had a real hard time. I think I may be getting closer to a nervous breakdown possibly. Bills are killing me! But anyway, I was down and out and crying. I walked into my laundry room to get a shirt and I just collapsed to my knees crying. I laid there on my pile of dirty clothes just sobbing. Having myself a pity party I guess but I couldn’t get up for like forever it seemed. I didn’t have my phone on me or I would’ve called a girlfriend to come rescue me. It sucks being like that and really sucks that most people don’t understand me. Going out don’t solve nothing. It’s deep down, years of pain, and current situations just make it way worse than it should be or has to be. I’m not crazy just sad and so very tired of fighting alone. It’s getting to me. But I’ll make it somehow.

Just wanted to share and see what y’all you use to dream of and if those dreams came true for you? 

Well thanks everyone for visiting and reading! 

Love, Lori 

 

Goodnight..Love Y’all 

Hey just wanted to say a few quick words because well I can express myself better by writing than I can in person lol. 

So I’m realizing and being told some of the things I write or say are coming off as a bit harsh and I apologize. I know I wrote a post the other day and I was a total bitch in it to ‘someone’ and I shouldn’t have done that. I put in it my drafts and I’ll go through those sometime and delete the ugly posts. 

I forget sometimes that everything isn’t meant for everyone to know, especially when I’m writing….I just write what’s on my heart without thinking how it may affect someone. 

So….I publicly said ugly shit about a person in that post so….I’m publicly apologizing to that person…….I AM SORRY for being an asshole to you and sorry I put it on here. 😘 ‘Person’ knows who they are🙂. 

A friend of mine messaged me today and tore into my ass (which I needed) and she’s very helpful to me. I’m gonna say a little bit, hope she don’t mind lol 😁. But she can tell what mood I’m in or if something is wrong by what I post on Facebook. If I start bashing my ‘someone’ (which I need to stop fucking doing)…or post depression stuff, like I’m giving up. She will message me ‘Stop That!!!’ I don’t know about y’all but I need her, no one else does that for me. She snaps me back into reality. And believe me being by myself I will go way the hell off in la la land! So thank you my friend😊. 

Ok I’m going to bed now, probably gonna be working at my part time job tomorrow I had a little while back so I need sleep. 

Love you guys and gals….and thanks for reading and watching my videos and commenting! I feel the love! ❤️

Love, Lori 

My Hopeful Future 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately and watching people very closely. I don’t have anything else to do you know other than work and I can still keep up with everyone and everything at work also. 

Being single and alone has a lot of bad to it but also has some good as well. I’ve learned who my real friends are, and there’s not many of them that are real but the few I do have are awesome people. I have learned I have strengths I didn’t know existed. At the same time I’ve learned where my weaknesses are too. One of them is Men, only because I’ve tried to fill that emptiness that’s there but I’m learning I don’t have to have them. I don’t want nor need any distractions like that, it’s time for myself. 

I’m not waiting around for someone to save me, I’m gonna do it myself. 

I’m not waiting around for someone else to make me happy, I’m gonna do it myself. 

“Just watch, all of you men. I’ll show you what a woman can do…I’ll go across the country, I’ll race to the moon…I’ll never look back.”                             -Edna Gardner Whyte

“One of the most courageous things to do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go.”   -Sheila Murray Bethal

I do admit that at night it’s a little rough going to bed by myself but I’m slowly getting use to it. And going places…I get tired of going places by myself but here recently it’s getting easier on me. I’m starting to appreciate having the time alone. Honestly I’m getting to where I’m slowly becoming comfortable with it which may not be good for a future man lol. I’m joking lol. 

As you’ve read I’ve been through hell. More than most. If you can take my life and add it all up into one big story, it’d be one hell of a book/storm. Not that I’m bragging about the bad stuff but it has molded me into who I am today and I ain’t so bad. I’m pretty damn strong considering and damn smart. I can’t handle talking to most people I meet because I’ve gained the ability to read bullshit a mile away. I study people…a lot lol and most are fake as hell. 


As for my future I am in a place where I don’t have to just settle for anything. I’m single and free and the sky is wide open for me. I don’t have to continue working these lame ass jobs because I will soon be working from home, I won’t stop until I get there. And I don’t have to settle for some cheating ass fuckboy as a man for me either. I’ve had enough of men that can’t keep their dick in their pants from having to fuck anything that moves, fuck them. 


I know there’s good men out there, honest and faithful men, I’ll just have to be a little more patient lol. But I refuse to actually look because looking only finds the fuckboys that are sitting there waiting for you to reply. And real men ain’t on social media hardly ever if any at all. Real men don’t go friending up a shit ton of women, sending them messages to hook up and fuck. Sorry but that’s the truth. I’ve watched so many women that I’m not friends with simply because there’s at least 30-40 men from my friends list that like all their pics and comment the same shit they comment on my pics. I find it rather immature and disgusting. Just speaking my view on it and it seems to be pretty true. 

I want a man that I can trust…..I mean really trust! I don’t want to ever have to worry about him flipping his phone upside down, hiding pics and messages from other women in folders on his phone or exiting apps when I walk into the room. Fuck that! Never have to wonder where he is or ‘who’ he’s doing. Has the maturity to tell other women NO and to back off. And would be there for me no matter what. I don’t care if I’m crying over a damn stupid movie, be there for me. Because as would sure as fuck be there for him for anything and my faithfulness will make him sick. 

Right now it’s just me. I have two grown sons and a grand baby on the way, which I’m excited about!!! My boys are the best men I’ve ever met. They have grown up into the men I tried/prayed so hard for them to be. They are true, they are faithful, they’d give you the shirt off their back, and they love God. I’m thankful that my two sons can show some of these pathetic men how to be a real man! Awesomeness! 

One day I’m going to write a book about my life and I’m not leaving anything out, names but not anything else. It’s gonna be a big book haha. Once I get to the point where I’m working from home, I can travel and write my heart out. 

And I am traveling alone. I think that it would be an awesome adventure for me. To truly enjoy my life and really see what I’m made of and find myself. 

Everything that’s for me or waiting on me is at my fingertips waiting for me to grab. Y’all I’m ready. I’m tired of doing what I’m doing. Tired of living how I’m living. Tired of being lied to and so on and so on. I hope that very soon I will be writing and sharing stories about it all and making videos on my vlog on youtube for y’all to see and witness my adventures with me. Here’s a link to my vlog below, if you subscribe you can keep up with me. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3TUhqOdYsi2uxGJYAIOCpw


I’m gonna be honest, I’m sitting here in an old rundown house that I’m renting, I only own a few household items and my truck, and with a few bucks in my pocket. But I’m still hopeful and I know in my heart and soul that I will make it, I will be above the norm. I’m stubborn and when I want something I will break my back to go after it. I’m staring out my bedroom window now in between writing breaks and I can visualize traveling and writing and being completely free. I hunger for it. I refuse to settle and kill myself for the ‘man’ and settle for a useless relationship. I’m better than that! I am different and that’s ok. Some people ‘just’ dream, I dream and want them to be reality and I’ll strive until the are. I’ve taught myself many things in my life just because I wanted to know if I could do it and I’ve succeeded at most. Most don’t Really know me because they don’t ask or hang around long enough to find out. But those that had me or was my friends realize it when it’s too late. Sorry, I don’t lose any sleep at night, I have to live for me and think about myself for a change. 

Just wanted to share what’s been on my heart. I do hope y’all have a great day and wonderful weekend! 

Love, Lori 

P.S. If you have a story that you’d like to share with us, please do so in the comments. Relationship, something you mastered, a dream you got to live out, anything. I would love to read/hear about it. ❤️. If your more comfortable in private, here’s my email: lorimhensley@gmail.com