‘Just’ 💜💜💜

‘Just’ in case no one has told any of you lately… You are beautiful, You are appreciated, & You’re important. 💜 ‘Just’ you yourself… are very amazing. And you are enough! Ain’t no one like you, So Be You.

I had a very very very rough day today. It was so bad that I almost quit again & it was worse than yesterday. Shit going wrong as usual, face to face cussing with a hyster driver, etc. I raised both my arms up high, had both middle fingers shining & yelling fuck this place!! I was walking towards the door. The only thing that stopped me was when I looked up and seen my gf💜 standing there…. I couldn’t leave her. She’s there for me all the time. She listens, she talks to me, & hugs me if I cry. She’s an awesome beautiful person and I wouldn’t trade her for no one!

I do believe though the stress on me is ‘just’ too much. I can no longer cope. I can no longer keep it all bottled up. I’m gonna explode one day, just watch.

I have discovered that painting helps get my mind off things a bit. I’m able to act almost normal. Painting in my kitchen is definitely a plus. I want to re-paint the whole inside & porch but paint is expensive, I’d need like, what, 8-9 gallons at $15 a pop…. Ugh! Not sure exactly, I don’t paint that much. Sucks that something that helps me I can’t afford to do it… Damn. I have it planned out in my head & screenshots of what I’m wanting to do in every room. And ‘just’ that alone, the planning, keeps my mind distracted temporarily lol.

I got home from work & as usual my lights are off (saving on power bill), I didn’t turn not one on, made my way to kitchen & threw all my bags in the floor & went in my room & immediately fell onto the bed in tears. I snapped, I let it out, I cried hard. And I cried so hard that I felt sorry for myself crying that hard & cried harder. I realized at that moment I love myself 💜 a little bit more, I don’t deserve the shit I’m going through. I’m ‘just’ so over everything….. Tired, tired, tired… Nervous break down? Maybe? Or maybe ‘just’ tired of all the bullshit I deal with.

Yes I’m still in my right mind lol. ‘Just’ really sad & depressed.

I ‘just’ for once would like for something to go right in my life. I’ve never done as much bad as karma is throwing on me, completely ridiculous to live like I do.

Well it’s almost midnight & I’m exhausted & can’t keep my eyes open. Goodnight. I hope y’all have a great day tomorrow.

Lori

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Good Morning

Sitting on my porch this morning again. I have found my spot to relax in. I just sit here listening to birds & dogs & stuff. I wish that coffee pot would hurry up lol.

When you think life is done shitting on you… It’ll a show you it aint. Been a rough couple of days. So much on my mind & heart. It’s just little ole me, damn I need a break. I just hope I don’t stroke out from all the stress of everything. I can’t speak of any of it at all though but it’s taking a toll on me for sure. I wish I could be like ‘I dream of genie’ & just fix everything.

I wish I could give my boys the world, they deserve it. I love them so much. Doesn’t matter how old your kids get, a mother will never stop worrying about them & loving them. When they’re young it’s easier to fix their problems & boo boos. It’s harder when they start dealing with life on their own & you can’t do nothing for them except watch & pray & cry. They hurt… I hurt! And its killing me.

Life affects my writing & sometimes to the point I can’t even write one sentence. It sucks.

I read an article yesterday that said bloggers are wanna be writer’s… Hahahaha…. Get this, that article was from a blogger… That shit cracked me up, I almost commented an ugly comment but I didnt, I was nice & just closed it lol. People… Ugh lol.

I can assure you that this past year has not only beat the absolute shit out of me but has shown & taught me a lot about tons of stuff & has shown me how tough I really am. It has not been easy & still looks like I still have a lot left to fight but I’m still standing.

I thank God he hasn’t allowed the enemy to stroke or heart attack me out through all of this. I deal with depression but that’s nothing compared to what the other could do to you if you live through them.

I feel I have grown up a shit ton this year, didn’t know I had anymore growing up to do. You just never know I guess.

I used to spend my time making everyone else’s day & doing whatever they needed to be done but now that its just me it’s different. It’s took me a year now to just now finally start seeing things a bit clearer. I search deep for peace & relaxation everyday. I notice the simple things literally like the noise from bugs in the yard that I never payed no mind to before. Weird but I like it. Maybe I’m finally getting to know myself again because I love all sorts of kind of things. Things others probably take for granite.

I have to share this lol. I went to the bathroom to pee last night & haha… I couldn’t help but think that I feel sorry for whoever is my forever because I never shut the bathroom door, it smothers me if I do lol. They’ll have to get used to watching me pee. 😂 Living alone, why would I shut the door? Or stayed clothed? Hahaha.

Anywho I hope y’all have a great day. I’m gonna try to enjoy my two days off the best I can. May do some more painting in my kitchen, might mow before it gets ridiculously high again lol. I tell ya, I will own a riding mower by next summer… Push mowing sucks ass!!!!!

Love, Lori

I do not own rights to pics

I Love The Way You Lie

Title doesn’t make a lot of sense in one way but in another way it does. To me the title is full of sarcasm & pain. How many of us listen to so many lies from others? Even when you know the truth whether it’s from a family member, friend, total stranger, or your spouse/significant other?

It’s crazy what we will allow just for arguments sake or just to see how long they will continue the lie. Whether it be to my face or through a message or talking on the phone, I can sense right away I’m being lied to. When shit don’t add up at all & they wear themselves out trying to make it make sense while lying knowing they don’t have all the pieces, kinda cracks me up.

If they used the same effort to sincerely just tell the truth everything would be better, they may die but I’d respect someone more. And it kinda does piss me off to think that they think I’m that stupid that I can’t catch on. Let me tell ya something, I am the worlds worst at putting together all those little pieces. And what’s really bad on their part is it don’t take but a few minutes most of the time….. I Love The Way You Lie.

The title is a title from an Eminem song. It’s actually a good song. Another part of it says… “Your just gonna stand there & watch me burn? That’s alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there & hear me cry, that’s alright because I love the way you lie”…. It’s true though with a lot of people. They don’t really give a damn about you if they are constantly lying to you especially when someone is convincing you that they care but they really don’t & you realize you’ve wasted your damn time. This… 👇

Sometimes for your own sake & to better yourself, you have to remove yourself from them. You were lied to for a reason think about that. You were left out of the equation for a reason. There’s something so bad that was done or said behind your back that people will go way out of their way just to keep you from knowing. Just remove yourself & leave them be. If they lie once, they have no problem doing again & have probably done some little white lies along the way. Liars are no good in my book.

The only thing you can do really is to leave them be or confront them which most of the time ends up badly because they don’t want to be caught so they’ll be really pissed off, it could end very badly, your best bet is to walk away & kill them with your silence.

Love, Lori

I do not own the rights to pics

Sex Talk Round 3

18+ only

Hi there! I can’t sleep so here I am. And I had a really bad evening & only ONE person noticed. Thankful for that one though. ❀ I got messaged & called right about the same time I was about to give up & elope in what seemed a dark moment. Thankfully that person cared enough. (no I wasn’t committing suicide lol, just crying & hurting). Figured I’d better say that, it just seems to smother me when no one wants to be around me. It hurts.

So I really ain’t sure where to go with this one lol. And really not sure what I’ve already said in the other 2 posts lol.

What do y’all think about role playing? I’ve never really done any of it other than wear an outfit. But I’m talking about the stuff you see in movies or porn where they act out a scene.

I don’t know if I could hold my composure, I’d probably end up laughing my ass off lol! That’s a good reason I don’t act! I write!

Scenes like the girl is a student & the guy is the professor kind of scenes. I do think those are hot as fuck though! I do like being told what to do so a scene like that might actually work for me. Getting in trouble & getting punished hmmm. Making me please him to get out of trouble. 😋

I shouldn’t say this, I was gonna keep it a secret but… Anyway awhile back I had ordered the entire outfit of Harlequin. I was going to surprise a certain someone when he came over but things went south & so I cancelled the order. But I do think that would have been hot & a lot of fun. I already had the hair dye too. Oh well. The reason I said that (no reason other than to point out)…I might have rolled played with that costume. I was looking forward to it & I knew he already liked that character.

I do have the thoughts of sexy badass playing in my head all the time but ever now & then I think up some innocent ones. Where I’m like a nun or a virgin & ain’t ever been touched before. Haven’t ever got to play anything out though. But they’re sure as hell hot in my mind lol.

I may be too much I guess for anybody. I’m not sex crazed I just don’t want boring ya know. I like adventure!

Oh I know… A driving instructor who makes you do sexual favors to knock off the bad points while trying to get your license(18+of course). He makes a girl pull over & suck his dick for a few minutes before continuing with the test but she has to suck it really good. Seeing how well she can drive while being fingered… Hard! And before he will pass her, he has to know what her pussy tastes like & then just fucks the shit out of her right there in the student driver car. She passed!! Lol

Ok so this virgin thing turns me on for some reason. Not really sure how I should act. Maybe just all scared & nervous. And not wanting to spread my legs. Hehe. Just being all shocked at being touched & fingered & fucked…. Then loving the shit out of it.

And…. Heeheehee….. I fantasize about this one. Husband, wife, & girlfriend. I have as far back as I can remember when I was young lol. Yes I’ve always been this way Hahaha! Wife meets girlfriend & is pissed off at her but they end up liking each other, husband doesn’t know about it. Wife & girlfriend are at the wife’s house when husband comes home & is scared shitless because girlfriend’s ride is in the driveway. He comes rushing in only to see his wife licking on his girlfriends pussy on the couch. At first he’s scared then pissed because that’s his side pussy… WTH is what he’s thinking, that’s my pussy dammit. Wife turns & says ‘I know all about it’, wanna join? Husband makes eye contact with girlfriend & they smile & shrug shoulders like why not haha. So wife & husband are licking & sucking & fingering girlfriend’s pussy together. Husband already knows all to well what the girlfriend likes & proceeds, wife doesn’t seem to mind. It’s her first time eating pussy & she’s done fell in love with the girlfriend too….Uh oh for the husband haha. Wife watches husband slide his dick into now ‘their’ girlfriend’s pussy & pounding her while playing with herself. But it turns out great because wife wants girlfriend to spend the night & sleep in between them. Husband got to play with & got to push his girlfriend under the sheets to suck his dick & cuddle & fuck his girlfriend all night while wife slept in the same bed & he didn’t get into any trouble for it. And got breakfast sex with the both of them. I don’t know what y’all think but um to me… Hot As Hell!!! 😋😋😋

Sometimes I think I should write screen plays lol. I don’t have to watch porn or movies for ideas. If I sit still long enough I just come up with them. And I like details which porn leaves out. They just hard fuck & it’s over. I think there should be more intimacy & detailed little things that build up to the fucking & a little cuddling sweet talk rather than just ending the show. They’re too corny. I would write them like they were real & have better actors of course. Oh and not the typical males & females they use either. I would want normal everyday people. Not steroids & size z boobs haha. Normal people! Haha

Well that’s all I got for now.

Love, Lori

‘FIRE’

I want a fire that’s not only burning in me for a man but burning in him as well for me & me only.

I want to run up to him even when I’m just in a t-shirt & panties & no make up on & him to still think I’m beautiful.

I want a man that sees my beauty beyond my looks..inside beauty.

Someone who would go out of his way to Never lie to me or allow a situation to make me question him.

Someone that wants to be with me every chance he gets.

Someone that misses the shit out of me when we’re apart & makes his way back to me quick.

Holds me when I cry & tries to come up with a solution rather than just saying sorry.

Someone I can’t get enough of… Ever. And have the equal attraction to each other. Fire.

Intense love making like I’ve never had in my life…which there is one he has to top that’s for sure lol, gotta be better than damn good.

Will hug me up when I’m bitchy instead of cussing me or going for a drive until he makes me laugh.

Loves my body without me changing it.

Surprises me. Does spontaneous things without me asking.

Has eyes for me only.

Will cuddle the shit outta me.

Maybe come see me at my job sometimes & vice versa.

I simply want a fire that doesn’t burn out. And not a one sided fire either, I’ve had enough of that shit.

Is it possible??? Beats the hell outta me!?!?! I wish & hope for it but it seems like I’m not enough for a man.

It’s wishful thinking anyway. Would be very nice to have in my life…..all the time.

Goodnight

Love, Lori

Happy Saturday

It’s another day I’m alive & thankful. And I’m not at work lol. I’ve got work to do around the house but hey it’s all good. At least I have a home & able to do things, some don’t have the ability or option. So I’m thankful.

Sorry I haven’t wrote in a few days & haven’t wrote sex talk 3 yet. Work drains me & so does my emotions.

I have to say that out of everything I’ve wrote so far about myself, which is a lot I know, it really is only like not even half of myself. It’s funny sometimes people think they know me but you only know what I allow. There’s some things that only I know that I refuse to share with anyone. You can’t let it all out lol.

A womans heart is like an ocean, it’s full of secrets.

Especially this ones lol! But seriously you can’t fully expose yourself to people, they can’t handle it or just don’t need to know every little detail about you. If I can trust a person…I’ll speak somewhat more about myself but still I shut down at some point.

I don’t like exposing my feelings for sure. I’ve learned from the past it only leaves me hurt. That’s why it’s so hard for me to do it today. I tend to literally stay away from most people because I don’t want to like them for fear of losing them. Stupid logic I know but after being hurt so much you just shut down after awhile.

I may be a little emotional today lol but I’m ok though, really. It’s like a calm emotional feeling, idk how to explain it. Just thinking about things & people this morning with a clear mind.

I actually am considering to start running or just maybe power walking lol. It may help me to not smoke as much. But quitting is not an option right now… Someone will die hahahahaha.

Enjoy life the best you can. Love those who love you. Slow down & take a breath.

Have a beautiful day people!

Love, Lori

Morning!

Good morning everyone. Its back to work for me today, just two days though. I’m so glad.

I tried like 5 times yesterday to do a video for my vlog & I deleted all of them. I couldn’t say the right words for nothing to explain anything lol. So I gave up.

Some of it was just about how I’m dealing with people that don’t really care about me. You can tell who really does or don’t. And who just likes drama, damn drama queens. Anyway, I basically just stopped giving them the time of day. I see & hear their childishness but I pay it no mind. They’re fading away. I’ve been trying to focus on myself which is helping some but in order to break from the nonsense, it’s a constant reminding to myself…. They ain’t worth it. Simply because I see & hear it so much. Once my trust is broke, you’re pretty much dead to me. I mean I may speak to you again but I’ll never trust you for nothing ever again, not even with what I’m having for lunch.

We all have our hells. Some worse than others but we all have them.

You ever meet someone that just takes away your problems momentarily? Like you can’t even think of your problems while they’re around? They can literally make your soul smile? Well, its nice, it really is. Its pretty fucking awesome. I hope it never ends. 

Any who lol, If I can while I’m at work I’m going to work on sex talk round 3. You can call me Dr. Lori… Hahaha I’m just kidding!

You know I’m looked down on everything I do. The way I write, the way I live, even the house I live in, the way I dress, etc. Idk why but it pisses me off. Why is it that everything about me pisses people off??? I don’t get it… Really I don’t. I’ve never done a damn thing to anyone I associate with.

People need to understand that this is my life not theirs. I’m not going to quit & just live like others say I should live. That’s damn stupid. Why would I do that? Why do people think they know me & know what’s best for me? I don’t see not one of them paying my rent….

I’ve been through a lot & I continue to struggle but guess what… I’m still standing.

Well hopefully I can get a post done later today. Y’all have a great day!!!!

Love, Lori