I am definitely one that needs to listen to my own words on this. I have developed such an attitude I’d say over the last 6 months or so. I know I’ve been single-ish a little over a year now and my attitude towards many things have changed. One of the biggest things is people. I used to love to just watch and study people, some would inspire me and some just fascinated the hell out of me. Now…I honestly don’t want to know people anymore. I tend to not even make eye contact unless I already know them or are friends with them.
I have stopped studying other people and actually have been studying myself. I lost myself ever since my momma died back in 2012 and it’s just got progressively worse since then up to today. I’m NOT the same person I was before. I’m not a bad person or seek to be out of control or whatever. I’m slowly learning who I am again and watching my surroundings and the people around me, whether it is healthy for me to associate with them or not. I have cut some out of my life and removed irritating people off my social media. Anywhere I’m annoyed, I’m removing.
This life is mine and the only person in control of my happiness is me. I am a masterpiece all my own and so is each and everyone of you.
My attitude towards people is well kinda ugly at times. I’m a woman who is realizing that I don’t need those rude ugly people in my life that don’t contribute to my happiness. Yes I do overreact sometimes….but sometimes I’m given just reason. I don’t want my future, starting at this moment to have people like that in my life. Yes I’m ugly to some people too, mostly those that don’t bring me happiness. I’m human, I’m not perfect.
I’m currently starting to work on my reactions to every situation. It’s too stressful on me…get that? ME, I’m the only one stressing and it’s not fair to myself. No matter what it’s about, relationships, people, bills, work, even when my mascara won’t go on right. I’m getting older and I just simply want to be happy and it’s up to me to make me happy.
My attitude has literally inspired others to change. May not be the greatest way but hey it has helped some. My personal fight in life I’ve been told numerous times that I’ve inspired and have touched people just being myself and writing it out, my feelings, my anger, my good days, and so on. It feels great to read those words because they inspire me right back, right when I need it.
I still cry and get all down and out but I get back up and shake it off blinking the tears back and say out loud ‘this’ or ‘they’ or ‘he’ or ‘she’ isn’t worth it, nothing or no one is worth crying over like that. I pay my bills, I cook my own suppers, and I cuddle up to pillows and sleep alone every single night because there is no mans arms here to hold me. I take care of me so why should I allow anyone or anything to act like they have control over me?
I’m full of mistakes, I make them daily. But do you know what that means?….it means it’s proof I’m trying. I try every second to better myself and my future and I screw up a lot. Every time I screw up I learn a much better way to accomplish whatever the task was. I’m stubborn and I refuse to give up even though I have days where I’m ready to run and hide. Those days are just a bad day, that’s all, they pass. So if you’re like me screwing stuff up all the time and making bad decisions, don’t be so hard on yourself, at least you’re trying. Those that don’t seem to be having bad days and it’s like everything goes right for them…..they’re either really good at hiding it or they really don’t have problems because they have it made or can cover it up with money and connections to display themselves as such a great person when they’re really not. So don’t fret, we all screw up.
Life is short. We have no true way of knowing what or who is meant to be in our lives other than our children. And by all means make them your priority no matter what their age is, they need to hear, feel, and know that you love them. The friends you have now..love them, enjoy them. Spouse or significant other..whether it’s meant to be or not, not only love them but show them. Get down n dirty and show it without even having to say the words. They’ll feel it. Whether they feel the same or not they’ll still feel it, you’ll know you gave it your all , all you got on your end. They will forever remember you if things go bad later. Why not leave a moment an absolutely great moment? Boring or monotonous isn’t ever remembered.
My take on bills and finances is well….I’m trying. I’m trying with everything in me. I keep screwing up but I take a step back, rethink and try again. In my case no one is going to do it for me. Ain’t nobody gonna pay my bills. I have to, I chose my life and it’s me that has to do something about it and figure out how it best suits me.
I hope I wrote this post good enough to where you could see where I was going with it. Making my attitude turn into an inspiration. I inspire my own self sometimes. I’m like ‘Yeah bitch, you did that!’ Wooo! Everyday is stepping stones for me. I fail, learn, cry, get inspired, get pissed off, want to quit, laugh, get feelings hurt, show love to some……BUT I don’t quit regardless! And you can’t either!